After this weekend I have to come back to this? What the fuck.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Haven't been getting good sleep. I'm extremely anxious. Can't focus on anything. Don't want to practice. Haven't done vocals for a Thousandswilldie song since the Brutal Truth show. Don't feel like doing art. Don't feel like doing anything. Just want to lift weights, socialize and listen to Trial at full blast. Red Bull doesn't taste the same anymore.

Time for a Burning Fight post of my own. MKNZ summarized the quality of this event pretty well. Every band did an excellent job. The people at this show were much better than any hardcore crowd I've experienced. Not to mention we got to meet Tara from Disembodied. That was utterly surreal. MKNZ and I are walking outside to get a picture of the line-up so we don't have to check every other set (got hard to remember the order of 20+ bands). As we're heading out the door, we hear, "Mike?" We turn and it's Tara. We talked for a few minutes about the band, upcoming shows, meeting kids on MySpace, seeing them for the first time, Aaron puking on stage towards the end of the set, etc. Amazing. Disembodied is the best.

Trial was probably the greatest surprise of the weekend. There will probably be footage of this soon. Words cannot describe. Seriously.

Also, Hofacker and all the KC dudes were fun as well. We went to a BBQ on Saturday and met everyone else in Harm's Way and Convicted. There was a very CUTE pitbull named Blossom there. Behaved like a cross between Smokie and SimmONs. She looked like she had eyeliner on and was very enthusiastic.

We got almost no sleep. There were like 12 people in that apartment. Good conversation, got fat a lot, had fun with the locals, ran into people from the Bay Area as well.

Okay, now the situation with our parents and our aunt & uncle. Grown adults shouldn't meddle. Taddling is such an immature act. When you're an adult and have something to say to or about someone, don't go behind that person's back and create mountains out of molehills. I would expect more from people we used to confide in about our parents when we felt like our mom was being unapproachable. Apparently now that option is past us. That's fine. But like this? Never rat out your family. Sure, call them out, but to their faces.

I think that's the reason why Converge ended with Jane Doe, whether they knew it or not. That was for you, goofy kid.



We're back.

Change can be either good or bad. Sometimes situations improve and people make efforts they hadn't previously to better themselves. It's really really hard. Progress is often hard to detect and it takes time. Conversely, some people never change, which can also be good and bad. Sometimes there are decent qualities that people just never lose and that's great. However, there are those people who were shitty before and seemingly will remain shitty as long as they can.
I should just get used to the idea that there are people in this world who want to maintain and refine their immaturity as if it were a skill. That's fine. Not my problem. The lesson on my part then becomes developing a thicker skin and learning not to care so much. Whatever resolution may have occurred now won't only because the other person chose not to open up. I've ignored people before, so I'm as guilty as the next guy. However, the people I've turned my back on are usually either 1) being needlessly creepy and know it, 2) attempting to meddle in my affairs simply to generate drama, and/or 3) only contacting me if/when they want something from me. I don't want to get used, abused and manipulated. And most times, I've already articulated such preferences to these very people.
But in regards to old friends, I've had people fuck me over pretty bad and still have found a way to come to some kind of reconciliation. For example, Scott and I have been friends for 17 years. Our friendship has endured a couple/few altercations that resulted in no dialog for several months. At some point, we were both guilty of hurting the other person in the friendship. Nobody's perfect. But we're still friends. After 17 years. Seems worth it to me. Why can't others learn how to do this? Why can't others extend themselves after something so simple as a misunderstanding? Pretty entry level shit if you ask me. I don't recall doing anything so heinous to anyone that I would deserve to get blown off in public after making an obvious effort just to say "hello." Can't be an issue of recognition, as I've looked pretty much the same for several years.
At the end of the day, this says a lot more about that person than it does me. I know what friendship means. At this point, I'm pretty sure nobody needs to teach me a lesson in loyalty. Ask Sharmini, ask Mackenzie, ask Scott, ask Gregg, ask Yong-Sung. They will all tell you that I do give second chances. And several beyond that. So, if you don't or won't grant me the same respect, then you're the one who has a lot to learn. Good luck growing up, if you choose to.

I just had an intense rush of ideas. Trying to write them all down. Hit me like a ton of bricks. Woke up to find myself sitting inside on a day like today, working on a 60 page document at work. Sitting in front of a screen. How engaging. It's fucking Friday. I'm gone. I'll be early on Monday to make up for wanting to have a slice of my life back.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BYE!

Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is someone who stood up.

Very interesting. Sometimes getting hurt can be such an incredible motivator. I needed that.

Alright, you motherfuckers. Where were we?

Had a show last night in Oakland. We got the venue (or the house) and there wasn't really anyone there at first. So, we went to Jason's (which was pretty much around the corner) and hung out for a bit. Jason asked me if I'd be down to take steroids for a year so I could take on the persona of "Armdick," a GWAR-like character for his imaginary gore band, Asshole Massacre. Yong-Sung brought up that he made the bass player of BruceXCampbell uncomfortable at Speed Trials by kissing him on the cheek during our set, despite the fact that everyone in SFN and In DIsgust were grabbing ass ALL night with each other. So, the verdict is to play in Speedos when we hit LA. Or something like that.

The show itself was pretty fun. Got kinda sleepy about halfway through. Nobody was in party mode because it was Monday night, so the vibe was a lot more scaled back than I was when we got there. After our set, Gregg was literally steaming, it was so hot in there. The band before us, Transient, wants to tour with us. So, we might do a Halloween tour with Strains of the Apocalypse, Transient and hopefully Superbad. That should be fun. During Transient's set, I felt like my head was under water. So much low end. It was crushing.

After we played, I lost my voice. Drank too much beer. So, I couldn't talk much. I go outside to get some air and this guy comes up to me saying he can clean my car. I told him I didn't drive and that I have no money. Both were true. I just had a wallet full of receipts and cards. No cash. He didn't want my beer or my sweatshirt, either. I horsely explained that I was sorry but couldn't help him out. He wouldn't leave me alone. He kept trying to convince me that I should find someone who owns a car outside so he can get money for cleaning them. He kept saying, "Please let me help you," even though I kept saying there was nothing he could do for me and that I don't have anything to give him anyway. Dude wouldn't leave me alone. If it wasn't for some of the bike punks calling me over to tell me "something really important," I would have been stuck in this Bermuda Triangle for fucking hours.

Finally some footage from Speed Trials. I'm such a boring frontman. Gotta work on this.




Edit: This next video is more fun. It's our set battle with Population Reduction from last summer.

If I didn't have a band, I'd wonder what events would punctuate my life. This one is definitely one to look forward to.

It's a vicious cycle. The people you try to meet and make friends with want nothing to do with you. Meanwhile, the people you want nothing to do with won't leave you alone.

Why is it cool if you're from the Bay Area to misspell everything? oR tO tYpE eVeRyThInG LiKe tHiS? i MeAn DoEsN't aNyOnE rEaLiZe HoW aNnOyInG tHiS is? FUCK. Case & point: http://www.myspace.com/juices42

Anyway, Speed Trials was amazing. If you weren't there, you should have been. Evidence will be provided soon.

And for MNKZ. Here's a blast from Summer of 05.




PS:
O_O at this ad.

Notice the extremely cute dog at 2:58.


Capsule - The Fest 7 Day 01 from MERELY HUMAN on Vimeo.

I represented Thousandswilldie in an interview with DJ Skully of Pirate Cat Radio yesterday. Here's the playlist of our songs plus an MP3 you can download of the show itself.



Playlist & MP3 download of my interview on Pirate Cat Radio 87.9 FM yesterday

From the split CD with Psychofagist, Raiz Diabolica, on Nothing Positive Records:
1. Better Dead Than Red Scare
2. Desert Flower
3. Prize Fighter
4. Bystander Defect

From the split 7" with Kill the Client on RSR Records:
5. When In Rome
6. Onefortyfour

From the split 10" with Shimetsu on Crucificados Records:
7. Vatican Rape Counseling
8. Cataract

From the 2007 demo:
9. Medusa
10. Sister Gomorrah
11. Cross Carrier
12. Bleeding Venom
13. November
14. Becoming Wrath
15. Gallows
16. Stillborn
17. Tar Black

Also from the split 10" with Shimetsu on Crucificados Records:
18. Poacher Laws


Download MP3

Joaquin Phoenix, you give us strength. Hecklers beware.

A blast from the past:

As the Disembodied reunion show draws nearer, I find myself listening to metalcore again. Some of it, after being away from that scene for a few years, is hilarious (i.e. all the really predictable breakdowns). But while I laugh my ass off at this stuff, it's still good. Like this song, for example. I was at first just into the art this guy's doing. It's interesting. Simple yet apocalyptic cut & paste style "street art." But I got stuck on this song. Now I'm listening to shit like Racetraitor and Neglect again. Oh well.

Those fuckers polluted my wing of the office again.

Sometimes a little "fuck you" gets you some respect.